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“Pregnancy and motherhood are the most beautiful and significantly life-altering events that I have ever experienced”. Elisabeth Hasselbeck
Motherhood is one of the greatest gifts God has ever blessed me with. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be a mother to 4 beautiful human beings. I couldn't imagine my life without any of them, as they all hold a special place in my heart. When me and my husband started our family, we thought we would have 1 maybe 2 children, then that quickly turned into 3. We always thought about the possibly of having a 4th baby, but over the course of 8 years it never happened. Finally after 8 years when we found out we were pregnant with our 4th baby, and we were in complete and utter shock!
Finding Out We Were Pregnant!
I truly consider all our children blessings, but it's something about baby number 4 that makes him a miracle. Well lets back track a little bit, when we first found out we were pregnant on December 23, 2016. We were so excited to be welcoming a brand-new baby into the world, along with being a bit nervous since it was 8 years since we last had a baby. A couple weeks later (at 6 weeks) I went to the hospital for my routine checkup and seen my baby’s heartbeat. We were over the moon. The next day devastation hit. I started spotting and we headed to the ER. That’s when we found out I was having a miscarriage. During that time, we felt so defeated and then we had to break the news to our children that mommy no longer had a baby in her belly. Even though it was extremely difficult for us, we kept our faith and trust in God. We knew he was going to see us through.
Our Little Miracle
After the heartbreak of losing our baby, it was time to go back for my routine checkup to make sure the miscarriage was complete and everything was ok. The nurse asked me to do a urine sample and get ready for an ultrasound. This absolutely scared me and immediately sent me into anxiety. The room was quiet, and the doctor took a second look, and said Mrs. Black there is a baby in there. At first we thought it was from the previous baby since I was only 5 weeks removed, but after many test it was my miracle baby! I laid there on the table in tears and disbelief, but I also found myself being very afraid. Before we left out the room me and hubby said a prayer over our baby and knew that God had blessed us once again.
This pregnancy for me was harder than my other ones due to me being in my 30’s and not my 20’s. But I was willing to endure it all to make it to the finish line! I'm not going to lie, part of me was saying what in the hell am I doing, it's been 8 long years since you had a baby. I had so much to learn about being a mother to a newborn all over again. So much had changed over the years, and there were so many new gadgets to help with a new baby. To be honest, we felt so lost, and not sure where to begin. One of my closest friends, who works with babies, was amazing. She made sure our baby was fully prepared for. Midway through my pregnancy, when you are supposed to be in complete operation prepare for baby mode, hubby comes home and tells me we are on reassignment orders to Washington DC. Being very pregnant and hearing this news, sent me into complete panic mode. Because aside from focusing on baby, I had to prepare to move a household to a new location, as well as place our current house up for sale. My pregnancy was not the easiest neither, he gave us a couple of scares during his time in the belly, but thankfully we made it through.
On October 31, 2017 we welcomed the newest member to our family, a beautiful 8-pound 9-ounce baby boy! We were absolutely over the moon after finally meeting our little miracle baby. My labor was 28 hours and we endured many scares with this little guy during delivery. I am sure the doctors will NEVER forget Baby Black. He made them reach back into their medical school textbooks! Our doctors were so baffled he took so long to deliver but were glad he was finally here safely. He was perfect, and well worth the wait. Seeing him in my arms was just another confirmation of God’s love and faithfulness. Ten days after his birth, we got the call that our house had sold, and we would be closing sooner rather than later. To be honest I didn't care, I just wanted to spend my first few days looking at all my babies together. But after all the aww wore off real life set in. I could not help but think what in the world did I get myself into. You must remember it's been 8 years since I brought home a baby. I was used to loving on other people's baby and returning them right back to their parent’s arms. To say the first month was stressful is an understatement. I felt like I had to relearn motherhood all over again and find my new normal. There were many nights I went to sleep feeling so defeated and having those feeling of selfishness (thoughts of giving up my freedom). I had to quickly find my way and remember that I am not only mother to baby, but to 3 other children who need me as well. It was not only a transition for me, but for the rest of my family. The first 3 months of transition was difficult, but when I found my groove things turned around for the better. Below are some tips that were essential in making my transition back into motherhood of a newborn a tad bit easier.
“Motherhood has taught me the meaning of living in the moment and being at peace. Children don't think about yesterday, and they don't think about tomorrow. They just exist in the moment”. Jessalyn Gilsig
Take a Moment to Process the Change
Starting over with a newborn in never an easy task, but it's such a rewarding task. Before a mother can start to enjoy the change, it's important to ensure you have fully processed all the new changes. What worked for me is taking a quick walk, or shower. It was a place where I could release (cry if needed) and think about my action plan to find my new normal. My processing the change of having a newborn, was properly understanding my feelings. This means understanding that your feelings are justified, you are human, and to be gentle on yourself. Not dealing with your feelings or suppressing them can lead to postpartum depression.
Utilize the Support
When I had my first child, I felt like super woman and wanted to do all things for my baby myself. I knew this time around I was going to need support. Being a military spouse and having a baby, family is not always close by to assist and lend a hand. One thing to remember is that you have your milspouse community, that are more than willing to pitch in and help. Trust me these women have been life savers, along with some amazing family and friends. They can assist in helping with your other children, dinner, school pickups, and even allowing you to just take a darn nap! Sleep is essential when you are easing back into the newborn life or having a newborn in general. Allow this support system take some of the stressors out of your day, so you can focus on bonding with your new baby.
Remember you still have an identity. Just because you had a baby does not mean that you must lose yourself! I must admit this one was extremely hard for me. There were moments I felt like my husband was living his life and I was just stuck being mom. There are still days I feel this way, but then I realize that he is missing out on so many milestones. I am not sure if my heart could take missing out on some of the things my kids have done. Baby number 4 made me realize that I am more than just a mom I am still Kiesha. Many women fall victim to losing their identity and connection to the life that had before becoming a mother. But you are still the same person with just a few changes and roles added to your life. After you have adjusted to your new life, learn to incorporate some of those old things you loved before motherhood back into your life. For me I really enjoyed going out and getting my nails down, walking, reading, and pursuing my dream of obtaining my Ph.D. We must remember that our children should not stop us from perusing our passions or forget who we were before we became a mother. Our children should become our motivation to chase those dreams and never stop.
Thank you so much for taking the time to check out my blog! I would love to hear from other moms on how you dealt with transitioning into motherhood. So, lets chat! Leave me a comment below.
Remember to Live free, Laugh often, & Be Incredible!